It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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