Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
