So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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