I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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