I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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