I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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