She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
