I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
