I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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