smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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