dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
