and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
