I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
