If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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