last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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