JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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