I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
