I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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