Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
