I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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