if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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