On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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