i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
