just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
