We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
