I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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