i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
