mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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