Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
