Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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