So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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