When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize