I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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