Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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