he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
