Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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