Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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