She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
