the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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