One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
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We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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