I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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