she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
