i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
