Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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