i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
