We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What a dumb baby whore.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
