Need sex. Gaining weight.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
