Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize