I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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