i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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