please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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