I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize