I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
