Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
