Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
